Have you ever felt like this after a day with your child?
Maybe after one of those public meltdowns? You know, that temper tantrum your child threw earlier, while everyone was staring in judgment, and which made you want to crawl in a hole and hide.
You been there? Yeah, me too.
And I know how hard it is not to take the perspective of “he should know better.”
Because let’s face it, when in public, our embarrassment and fears can easily override our thinking brain – in the same ways they can hijack the brains of our kids, and if we let our perceptions and fears rule – then our reactions become survival based.
We threaten, intimidate, punish or withdraw our love or attention to feel “in control.”
One survival state reacting to another survival state leads us to a dead end.
I want you to be honest with yourself in those moments when you feel you need to control your child’s behavior.
Ask yourself: Am I responding in a way that will help my child learn to manage his behaviors or am I using this situation as an excuse to be unconsciously irresponsible with my own.
Choose AWARENESS. Be conscious.
It takes intention + repetition to create the habit of conscious awareness and for it to become your predominant pattern.
Using fear may quiet down some kids – for the moment. But what are the consequences to your relationship?
I want to continue to support you as you flip the switch on your definition of behavior.
All behavior is purposeful.
Every action and word is a clue as to what’s going on – on the inside. The message is never unimportant – no matter how illogical the behavior may
seem.
And I know – it can sometimes be totally and completely illogical.
In this TEACHable Moment, I share a story of how I survived my child’s public meltdown and I’m laying out four tips you can use to survive – and even prevent – your own child’s public temper tantrum (12:45mins)
TEACHable Moment (12.45mins)
Now, is there really anyone who has escaped – even the occasional – public meltdown with their kid?
If so, I am in awe of you and please contact me immediately – we need to talk.
For some reason, I see a lot of judgey Judgersons out there on the internet super-highway. People who criticize public displays of emotion and feel the need to insult, name-call or demean the parenting of others as “lazy,” “permissive,” or “indulgent.”
OUCH.
Why do we do that? Why do we judge a situation from afar and then blame someone in their weakest moment?
It just breeds the exact kind of cruelty that we are trying to eliminate. And, if you’ve ever been with a child in meltdown mode, then you know there is no “disciplining” him out of it.
I’m not sure why we are so unwilling to accept the typical stages of child development or why we appear so incredulous when kids have this flooding of emotions, because it happens so often in the early years.
The fact is that there are fears and painful memories hiding underneath those extreme outbursts.
The “I don’t care’s,”
the “I hate you’s,”
the “I don’t have to listen to you’s”
– or the hitting, screaming and thrashing – they are all expressions of pain directed outward. They are cries for help.
If you can stay curious and compassionate long enough, I promise those fears will find their way out – through the tears.
What about you? Do you have a story of how you have supported your child or another parent through a public meltdown?
Share your thoughts in the comments below! You never know – your idea might be just the one someone else needed to hear!
Have a great week!
Warmly,
Lori
– See more at: http://mamablog.teach-through-love.com/2013/07/4-tips-for-handling-your-childs-public-meltdowns.html#sthash.X7bAByxZ.dpuf
Reposted with permission. Lori Petro, BS Ed., is a Speaker, Advocate & Parent Educator. She founded TEACH through Love as a vehicle to help families heal the cycle abuse and trauma through the relationship-building tools of empathy, compassionate communication and peaceful conflict resolution. As an adult with Asperger’s, Lori understands the demands of parenting kids with special needs and believes that by building strong bonds, we can cross the bridge to understanding the behaviors and needs of all kids. Lori is a sought-after speaker who consults privately with clients, teaches online and shares her insights and information in her weekly TEACHable Moments videos. Connect with Lori on Twitter: @TEACHthruLove, Facebook, Blog, and Website: http://www.teach-through-love.com.
